An Administrative Summons
by Smokin' Tacos
Summary: The Administrator finds out about an amorous relationship between two men who are supposed to be enemies. She is not pleased. Written for a Secret Santa event.


The room was dark and foreboding, as always. The glow of the ever-present monitors (displaying, among other things, the tranquil battlefields and less-so-tranquil barracks of Gorge Valley and The Badlands in the middle of a ceasefire), which made for the only light in the room, were mixing with the cigarette smoke wafting in the air to create a dim haze. It was large for a room, yet the only items of furniture within were a rather imperious chair and a minimalist desk, upon which lay a red telephone and a couple of files. The Administrator was not one for excessive decorum.

She watched, chair turned back against the desk, as the only door to the room opened. The RED Sniper nervously walked into the room, followed shortly by a man who could only be the BLU Spy. Both of them were dressed in what appeared to be their standard uniforms, except that the bullets on the Sniper's vest were missing, and he was holding his hat in his hands. As for the Spy, his normally ever-present lit cigarette was also out of commission. Miss Pauling stood in the doorway for but a moment, probably feeling a twinge of pity for the two men, before closing said door and walking away.

They slowly approached The Administrator's chair, before coming to a stop a short distance before it. For what seemed like a while, she eyed them, cigarette in hand, while they just stood there, mostly looking down at their shoes. Helen often loved to see the mercenaries squirm under her iron gaze, but today's matter was of particular importance. That is, important enough that she felt like getting down to business a little sooner than usual. She was about to address them when the Spy spoke up first, in a gentle voice.

"You wanted to see us, _madame_?"

Mildly annoyed that she had been interrupted (if unknowingly), she replied.

"Yes."

She paused for a second, letting the Sniper finally look up towards her, then continued speaking.

"It has been brought to my attention that you two have engaged in gross violations of mercenary conduct."

Both men almost instantly realized what she was referring to. The two men recalled moments of steaming passion when they should have been fighting; kissing and fondling when they should have been shooting and stabbing each other. Neither of them really remembered how they had gone from sworn archenemies to sworn lovers (at least sometimes). Come to think of it, they didn't put too much thought into keeping it under wraps. They had hoped it would stay a secret, but the Administrator had eyes everywhere. In the heat of battle, it wasn't bound to last. Still...at least it wasn't one of their teams' Soldiers who found out.

Helen, for her part, thought that 'violations' was a rather amusing choice of words.

"You will doubtlessly recall the...'relationship' between Mister Tavish and Mister Doe."

Truth be told, the men didn't need to be reminded of the former friendship between their teammates. True, they were manly men who would have never went to the level the Spy and the Sniper did. But she told them as such anyway.

"I'm disappointed in you. I thought that maybe you might have learned something..."

The Spy and the Sniper were at a loss for words. They didn't know if any words would help them right now. The Sniper was particularly keen on the whole 'being a professional assassin who doesn't have a lot of feelings' thing. And he was still a professional. Just one with more feelings than he cared to admit. Still, he somehow got it into his head that he should probably say something, at least try and save face. He raised his head slightly, held his hat a bit higher, and spoke in a voice that he hoped would make him heard clear.

"Well, y'see ma'am...sometoimes...feelin's happen. They can happen t' the best of us."

Helen turned her gaze to him, somewhat miffed by his words. Until she remembered Saxton Hale. At least they didn't know about her extremely manly Australian paramour. Granted, it was more of a matter of business courtesy than actual romance, but still. She merely continued to look at the Sniper.

"And...I guess we all make mistakes. But it won't happen again. I guess what oi'm troyin' t' say is..."

"We are sorry." The BLU Spy cut in, feeling a bit more confident.

The Administrator weighed their words for but a moment (it seemed longer to the two men standing before her).

"Irrelevant."

They both looked crestfallen at that word. Before anything else could happen, she continued.

"But. I realize that you two are some of the finest in your respective professions. You are mostly worth the expense. As such, despite the breach in contract, I am not immediately firing you."

The two mercenaries looked at each other in surprise, before the Administrator cut in once more in a darker tone (whilst leaning forward).

"However, if I catch you two...at it...again...your contracts will be terminated. No reprieve."

She neglected to tell them what she might do to them if she happened to observe them 'at it' while in a particularly bad mood.

The Aussie and the Frenchman were somewhat stunned, yet also somewhat relieved at her verdict. The latter, being the refined and international man of mystery that he is, recovered the quickest.

"_Merci_. You have our word."

_And your multi-million dollar paychecks_, Helen thought with a small smirk.

As soon as the Sniper looked like he had recovered his wits, he replied that he too was grateful, with a 'thanks, mate'.

"Thanks, mate."

The Administrator looked them over once more, relief visible on their faces (albeit in trace amounts). She allowed the smirk on her face to grow a tiny amount.

"I am, of course, docking your pay."

To what amount, she didn't specify. The two men were not that pleased to hear it, but at least they still had their jobs.

She took a drag on her cigarette, which she hadn't done for a little while, and exhaled, creating a new cloud of smoke in the room. She felt mildly better. The Spy silently wished he had a smoke himself right now.

"That will be all. You are both dismissed."

After standing in the same spot for what felt like ages, the Sniper and the Spy hesitated for a second before slowly but surely turning towards the door and making their way across to said door, the Sniper getting to it first. When they were in the hallway a ways down from the (now closed) door the latter turned to the former.

"I do hope we can continue to be...acquaintances." The backstabber quietly said to the headshotter.

The headshotter in question looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Okay, mate."

As they walked down the hall towards what was probably the exit, repeated mutterings of 'filthy bushman', 'backstabbin' snake' and the like could be heard. But for all the insults that they surreptitiously threw at each other, they didn't really mean them.

Well, most of them.

**o o o**

Some distance away, in the Reliable Excavation & Demolition barracks at The Badlands, the RED Soldier suddenly felt rather odd. He couldn't quite place the feeling, and he didn't like it. Not one bit. Being that he was in a poker game with his team's Engineer and Demoman, he would be hard-pressed to find a worse time for the odd feeling to strike. Except on the battlefield. But that didn't exactly count.

He grimaced. His only consolation might be that the BLU Soldier (who was currently cleaning his sawed-off Ithaca 12-gauge) was also feeling rather odd, but he had no way of knowing that.

The Engineer placed his cards down on the table and chuckled. A royal flush. Being that the Soldier had bet a two pair and the Demo folded...

"Hah! Looks like I won again, boys."

The Soldier's grimace deepened. The Demoman simply settled for another swig of scrumpy.

**the end**

* * *

_Author's Nose:_

_My first piece of fanfiction in 3 years that I've written, my first ever completed fanfiction and my first ever Team Fortress 2 fanfiction...and it only took a TF2 Secret Santa event started by a friend on tumblr to do it. I was supposed to either draw or write 'Red Sniper and Blu Spy fluff'. I'm a much better writer than I am an artist, so I decided to start with an idea I've had for a while. I know it's short, but I feel for a Secret Santa submission it's a proper size. Besides, my super powers of procrastination got in the way(I started at the beginning of December and finished on Christmas Eve).  
_

_I don't particularly care for (traditional) TF2 fluff, and I've been reading excellent TF2 fanfiction for a long time now (I could certainly name names, but I have a feeling that if they read this and review I probably won't have to), yet I never actually got around to writing anything of my own until now. I'd appreciate it if you could tell me what you thought, since while I know I've improved considerably since the last stories I wrote and uploaded (and I swear I'll get around to re-writing that stuff), I know there's probably a lot more I could learn. Thank you in advance, and I do hope you liked it._

_And if you're wondering, the blog of the dudebro tumblr friend who commissioned the Secret Santa event is 'acidpunch'._


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